When Does It Get Easier?

When does it get easier? 

The first five years of Ian’s little life were exhausting, scary and overwhelming.  Albeit I learned a great deal of humility, a yearning to be closer to Christ and a lesson that we are all strong deep within.  So, these last two years have been calmer.  With more stability and less crises to attend to, we have enjoyed the day-to-day activities that come with leading a relatively normal life.  Well, that’s what I thought anyway.

I took Ian to his Endocrinologist the other day and we ended up in the hospital running tests.  He’s fine.  His blood sugars are “okay”…. but, we still don’t have a difinitive reason why he can’t keep those blood sugars stable.  The good news is – he is hungry.  To have a Russell-Silver child say they are “hungry” – is in itself a miracle.  But, we are back to being extremely picky about our choices of food.   ‘I don’t like chicken, hamburgers, or meat loaf mom’.  ‘I hate McDonald’s and I’m not eating that pork loin you fixed for dinner.  Nor will I eat the yogurt or mashed potatoes.  YUCK’.  What kid hates McDonald’s and mashed potatoes?  ‘I love strawberries mom’.  ‘Great Ian’.  If he only realized that he will gain NO calories from 3 strawberries.  ‘And no, Ian, you can’t live on farfella pasta your whole life’.

I’ve had to resort to bolusing him again.   He complains that he wants to taste his food.  I have to explain that if all he wants is macaroni and cheese – and only 5 bites of it – that isn’t enough calories to sustain him.  So, we are back to the occassional bolus of yogurt, olive oil, protein powder and juice. 

His bone age is right where it is supposed to be for his age.  Which actually isn’t a great thing.  We prefer his bone age to be younger than his age so he has “room to grow”.  So, for now – we will watch, wait and see.  If he starts to surpass his age….we could be looking at adrenarche and/or early puberty.  I’m holding my breath.

The worst part of our trip to the hospital was his never-ending reaction to needles.  He despises – no hates – getting lab work done.  It took 5 nurses to hold him down this time.  He was a spit fire.  And, of course, now that he is older – he doesn’t just tell me how much he hates me – he shouts at everyone with his new vocabulary of explitives (bitch and jackass to name a couple).  Talk about embarrassing.

But, I was also very sad.  It was heartwrenching to hear my son say he hates doctors and nurses.  It broke my heart to hear him scream and cry and then run from me when he was finally freed of the nurses’ grasps.  It took him quite some time to warm up to me again….. ‘I thought doctors were supposed to make you feel better mom?’.  I had to hold back the tears.  I finally got him to sit on my lap and he melted in my arms.  I just wanted to take all the pain away from him.  I wanted to tell him it would be okay and that I would never make him do another test again.  But, the truth is – it will be years before I can tell him that.  So, I just held him and told him how much I loved him – over and over again.

‘I love you mom’. Ian sais.

‘I love you with all my heart Ian’……